"It Lovely Getting Old"
It's really great, this getting old!
It makes us feel so good!
It's better far than being young Yes, this is understood!
The aches and pains we have each day are wonderful, indeed!
Ten thousand different kinds of pills are all we will ever need!
Sometimes it seems like quite a chore, just getting out of bed!
Our knees are wobbly as can be Our feet seem made out of lead!
Oh, how we do appreciate the wonders of old age!
Our wrinkles and our sunspots seem to be the latest rage!
We might as well accept it for it's surely here to stay!
There is no magic potion that will take the years away!
The years that we have left to us will be as good as gold, as long as we all realize It's Lovely
Getting Old!
It's Later Than You Think
Everything is farther than it used to be. It's twice as far from my house to the station
now, and they've added a hill that I've just noticed. The trains leave sooner too, but
I've given up running for them because they go faster than they used to.
You can't even believe the time tables any more and why ask the conductor? I'll bet I
asked him a dozen times if the next stop is where I get off and he always says it isn't. I
gather up my packages anyway, put on my hat and coat, and stand in the aisle a
couple of stations anyway just so I won't go by the right stop. Once in a while I make
sure by getting off at the station ahead.
Seems to be they are making stairs steeper than in the old days. The risers are higher
and there are more of them because I've noticed It's harder to make two at a time. It's
all I can do to make one step at a time.
Have you noticed the small print they are using lately? Newspapers are getting
farther and farther away when I hold them, and I have to squint to make out the news.
Now it's ridiculous to suggest that a person my age needs glasses, but it's the only
way I can find out what's going on without someone reading aloud to me, and that isn't
much help because everyone seems to speak in such a low voice I can scarcely hear.
Times sure are changing. The barber doesn't hold a mirror behind me when he is
finished, so I can see the back of my head. The material in my clothes, I notice,
shrinks in certain places (you know, like the waist, or in the seat). Shoe laces are so
short they are next to impossible to reach.
Even the weather is changing. It's getting colder in winter, and the summers are
hotter than in the good old days. Snow is much heavier when I attempt to shovel it,
and the rain is so much wetter that I have to wear rubbers. I guess the way the build
windows now makes drafts more severe.
People are changing too. For one thing they are younger than they used to e when I
was their age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I
realize that my generation is approaching middle age (to me, that is roughly between
21 and 101), but there is no reason for my classmates tottering blissfully into senility
(old age).
I ran into my roommate the other night, and he had changed so much the he didn't
recognize me. "You've put on a little weight, Bob, "I said". "It's this modern food",
Bob replied. "It seems to be more fattening".
I got to thinking about poor Bob this morning while I was shaving. Stopping for a
moment, I looked at my own reflection in the mirror. They don't use the same kind of
glass in mirrors any more.
(Reminiscences of an Old Timer)
I'm Fine There's nothing the matter with me, I'm just as healthy as I can be. I Have arthritis in
both my knees, and when I talk, I talk with a wheeze. My pulse is weak, and my blood is thin, But
I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
I think my life is out of whack, and a terrible pain is in my back. My hearing is poor, my sight is
dim, and most everything seems to be out of trim.
The Doctor says my days are few, for every week he finds something new. And the way I
stagger is sure a crime; I'm likely to drop most anytime; but I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
I have arch supports for both of my feet, or I wouldn't be able to go on the street; my fingers
are ugly, stiff in the joints; and my nails impossible to keep in points; complexion is bad, due to
dry skin, but I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
Dreams and illusions I have, night after night, and in the morning, I'm just such a sight; my
memory is failing, my heads in a spin, I'm, practically living on aspirin, but I'm awfully well for the
shape I'm in.
The moral is, as this tale we unfold, that for you and me, who are growing old, Its better to say,
"I'm fine with a grin", cause twill surely help the shape we're in.
" A Senior Citizens's Lament "
Thought I'd let my doctor check me !
Cause I didn't fell quite right.
All those aches and pains annoyed me, and I couldn't sleep at night.
He could find no real disorder, but he wouldn't let it rest.
What with Medicare and Blue Cross, it wouldn't hurt to do some tests.
To the hospital he sent me, though I didn't feel that bad.
He arraigned for them to give me every test that could be had.
I was flouroscoped and cystoscoped my aging frame displayed.
Stripped upon an ice cold table while my gizzards were X-rayed.
I was checked for worms and parasites for fungus and the crud.
While they pierced me with long needles taking samples of my blood.
Doctors came to check me over, probed and pushed and poked around, and to make sure I was
living, they wired me for sound.
They have finally concluded; (their results have filled a page)
What I have will someday kill me, my affliction is Old Age.
Some things you just can't explain
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man
comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on
this beautiful day getting drunk?"
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she
took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she
took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Again?
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do then?
Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the
stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.
Man: Hmmm.
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In
that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.....
“Dear Abby”
I have a problem… I have two brothers, one brother plays for the Green Bay Packers and the
other one is
sentenced to die in the electric chair.
My mother died from insanity when I was three years old, my two sisters are prostitutes ( one
has aids ), and
my father sells drugs.
I recently met a girl who was released from a reformatory where she received time for
smothering her
illegitimate child to death. I love this girl and want to marry her.
My problem is this, should I tell her about my brother who plays for the Green Bay Packers?